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[quote=Anonymous]I was abused when I was younger. I was molested as a young child. I was physically abused by my mother. I was physically abused by her husband. I was raped by my first boyfriend. I was raped and beaten by my ex-husband. Lots of abuse. I have no problem with eating less and moving more. I have been doing that for the past several months and the weight is coming off. That kind of lifestyle does not bother me. Watching the weight come off is bothering me. It took a lot for me to write this post and to try to articulate how I'm feeling. Even now I'm tearing up writing this. I have no desire to be thin. I have no desire to be small. Even if the world is repulsed by my body. I love my body, I like myself.
I misspoke when I said bowel. My doctor said my colon has been affected with the hernia and my abdominal wall. She says that it's not life-threatening right now, but at any time it can become life-threatening and I will die. A regular surgeon is not equipped to take care of me at my size. So I obviously know what I need to do but I'm just sad. I am so sad. I feel like I'm losing my identity. I don't know if any of my rambling is making sense because I'm not sleeping well because I'm just so sad. My clothes are fitting looser. I can see it in my face. I don't feel like myself. I'm not even sure why I posted. I'm sorry. [/quote]

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