Reply to How do you deal with gnawing guilt?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can only do what seems to be the next right thing. I have often felt in retrospect that [b]I did too much for my parents and that they stayed alive and suffered longer as a result[/b]. But I don’t know, even now, where I’d have done less. I think other posters make a good point that accepting a person will not get well is a help. I’m not sure I ever got there with my parents. [/quote]

Wow.  OP here.  This really hits home and is something no one talks about.  I wonder this often which was really the basis of my original question - how much is too much?  I'm a natural problem-solver and am a fierce advocate in my parent's healthcare.  But am I just doing this to soothe my own worry over their aging and trying to avoid any guilt that I didn't try absolutely everything?  I'm sure if my Dad could have seen a video of himself at 92 when he was 72, he would have been horrified and made me promise right then and there that I wouldn't do all of this for him and instead, to go live my life.  Does my constant vigilance only lead them to years in memory care because the rest of their body is physically healthy?  But, as you said, I can't seem to figure out where to do less because to do less when you know you could be doing more feels...cruel.

Very hard.  I'm sorry for your losses and I hope that you can one day find peace with all of this.  It sounds like you loved them deeply and cared for them well. [/quote]

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