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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can see how much pressure she puts on herself to be perfect at everything right away. At school and in activities and just with friends. She's 7. She has this idea that if she doesn't catch onto something immediately whether it's a gymnastics move or a math concept then she is "bad" at it and doesn't want to do it anymore. We spend a lot of time explaining to her that life is about learning and that she doesn't need to be good at anything right away. We give examples of stuff we were bad at initially and then worked at and became good at. We encourage her to see that many of her peers struggle with the exact same stuff and not to just focus on the one or two people who might have an instant ability with something. We try to be encouraging and not critical.

The thing is that I actually struggled with this a lot as well. As a kid and well into adulthood. But I had extremely critical and judgmental parents and olders siblings. Consistently when I was a kid my successes were ignored and my struggles were pointed at. I was regularly told things like "you're just not an athlete" or "I guess math just isn't your thing." I still struggle with self esteem issues over this and I vowed that if I ever had a kid I'd be supportive and encouraging and not become the voice in her head that tells her she's not good enough.

But she's like this anyway. Is it genetic. Or maybe I'm conveying the same criticism and pressure my parents gave me but in ways I just can't see. I don't know. I'm sad for my kid because this has been such a hard way to live and I want better for her. And she's NOT bad at things. She's a child and is learning and has great capacity for learning and can already do things I couldn't do at her age. But she's so hard on herself.

Is there anything I can do to break this cycle.[/quote]

I had a father who expected perfection in my everything and I finally quit trying because I knew I could never be perfect.  It took me a long time to finally understand that no one is perfect.  I made it a point to let my children know that I just wanted them to do their best and to be prepared.  Perfection is boring and we learn from our mistakes.[/quote]

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