Reply to Struggling with Loss of Connection with Trans Son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it is normal for you to feel that way. 
I think your best bet is to stay neutral. Contrary to what others will say here, you DO NOT have to readily and excitedly go along with all of it. Your child will be fine as long as they know you love them and keep the door open to honest discussion.

My POV: am a lesbian and mom of teens.

Right now there is a huge wave of teens identifying as non-binary or trans, especially among those born female. There are 2 big drivers of this: 1. Social contagion/social media and 2. Normal teen feelings of being uncomfortable with how their bodies are changing, how the female body is objectified and viewed by males, and not wanting to follow gender norms of presentation that are so heavily foisted upon women. Or, maybe they are experiencing some feelings of same sex attraction. Or maybe they just want to explore identities and presentation, which does not have to mean changing one’s body.

Personally I have known several females of different ages from teens through early thirties who have in the past several years either began transitioning or exploring their gender identity. One friend of mine has pretty much completed their transition and now uses he/him pronouns. The other have either desisted completely or tried different things and ended up in a space of being gender-queer but not fully committed to one gender or the other. It is also totally normal to feel different ways during different periods of your life. Hormones change, things can happen in your life that affect how you feel.

At 9 I was a tomboy who collected baseball cards. 
At 15 I wore long curls and wore babydoll dresses and liked girls. 
At 18 I chopped my hair and wore boy clothes (trans wasn’t a thing known by many back then)
At 26 I had long hair and married a man and then had babies and baked cookies
At 35 I realized I’d made a mistake by marrying a man
At 40 I got out, chopped my hair, learned how to use power tools, and got out of my marriage, and started wearing men’s clothes
Now at 45 in LTR with a woman, still mostly wear men’s clothes but will make a batch of cookies here and there, and toying with the idea of letting my hair grow a little bit
So who knows what’s in the future?

Point is, your teen likely has a lot of growing and experiences ahead. It is best to stay neutral and keep the door open. I’m very glad I did not grow up in the current setting because I definitely would have been sucked in to the trans stuff, which in my heart I believe is damaging a lot of young people now. 
[/quote]

Genderqueer is still considered transgender.

I noticed in your story, you notably never mentioned that you ever identified anything other than a woman. Transgender has nothing to do with cutting your hair or wearing men's clothes. As part of the the LGBTQ community with trans friends, you should know the difference between presentation and identity.[/quote]

That’s kind of my point. When I was growing up, I had never heard of the word transgender, and by the time it became a huge thing, I had a much stronger sense of self compared to my teens, and I didn’t get dragged in. I know a few late-in-life queer females who did though, and they invariably have some kind of abuse or trauma in their past (at the hands of men) so it is hard to believe it is a coincidence.

Nowadays it has become almost a contagion among young females who don’t fit the mold, and I am skeptical.

This isn’t something to rush into. The approach to affirm without question is already under scrutiny, as it should be, and thankfully the pendulum is swinging back towards a sensible direction.[/quote]

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