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[quote=Anonymous]At T10 research-focused university. Here’s what I wish parents knew.

1. Digital distraction is a problem. TAs who sit in the back can see what students are doing on their laptops during lecture. Some are always checking email, doing other homework, scrolling social media, flipping back and forth between tabs, etc. This has long been a problem but definitely worse since the pandemic. Hardly a surprising revelation, but kids who stay engaged tend to do very well. 
2. Related to previous point, please talk to teens about small-class etiquette. Recently saw one student in a small seminar continually checking his phone, chuckling to himself during a discussion and it distracted everybody. I had never seen this before. Friends at other schools also tell me their students have weaker class etiquette, perhaps due to remote learning. Remind them it's a good idea to close the laptop with its distractions and stay engaged. This is crucial in small seminars, when mutual participation is the whole point. Seems obvious, but apparently is not.
3. If your teens are not used to small discussion based classes in high school, encourage them to get out of their comfort zone and try to participate more when they take seminars.
4. Some freshmen struggle if their HS courses mainly emphasized memorization, because harder classes emphasize conceptual understanding. If they get a bad grade on the first hw or exam, become a regular at TA/prof office hours. Say “here are the major concepts as I understood them from this lecture…(re-explain concepts in their own words)…do I have it right or is there anything I am missing?” Also, find peers to study with.
5. In-person office hours are the best place to get help. Much better than emailing.
6. Intellectually curious students make my day!
7. Discourage them from seeing the prof only to ask for a better grade. I won’t bend grades for one student because it is unfair to the rest of the class. 
8. School fit (and major fit) are way more important than prestige. A few kids who are completely failing my exams based on hard skill performance blow me away with their public speaking abilities. With some guidance on content, they can give the most confident and charming presentations in the class. I really like these kids and want them to succeed but I can’t give them As and Bs unless they can earn these grades. I sometimes wonder to myself whether they would have been better off going to a school where they could be academic big fish and graduate with a higher gpa (for grad/med schools), instead of crying over D’s and C’s on exams that were easy for the rest of the class. 
9. Students who struggle academically are not the only ones with mental health issues, and depressed/anxious students often don’t share their grief with friends or family. Don’t assume they would tell you if they were suffering. They are really good at hiding it. They sometimes tell me because they need to explain why they stopped showing up to classes or didn't turn in work, but I would never be able to tell otherwise. Remind them frequently of their value apart from grades or career.
10. I have nothing to do with the admissions office. I don’t necessarily understand or agree with admissions practices.

Overall I think the students are great and wish them the best. I hope the anxious perfectionist types will relax and go easier on themselves. I hope the distracted ones learn to focus. 
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