Reply to Teen Bullying

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Teen Bullying"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I heard a great episode of Lisa Damour's podcast about how friend groups use social exclusion of someone in the group to ostracize that person and bond more tightly with each other. She has a tendency to not come to conclusions with some of her episodes, and this one didn't have a recommendation for what teens on the receiving end of this treatment should do. However, I found it quite validating if you're someone who has gone through the maddening agony of this situation.

My other DD is younger and I'm seeing 3rd-5th graders emulate this kind of bullying and using techniques that are incredibly sneaky, manipulative and sophisticated given their age. I assume they are copying older siblings.[/quote]

I watched this happen multiple times for years with my now 16 yo daughter. She is now in a solid group and they have their drama and fights but it’s not like what she experienced before - now if someone is being excluded it’s bc they did something to hurt feelings and they eventually talk and work it out and move on. Whereas in her past friend groups it was just weird unspoken exclusion for no real reason other than probable jealousy. It just feels different.

The difference I’ve seen in current vs past? The presence of certain types of girls, who seemed to drive this exclusion. The attention seeking “pick me” types for lack of a better term. Usually girls who make fast intense friendships based on shallowness and newness, and a need to exclude some in the group to establish dominance with their “favorite friend”. Usually some sort of deep insecurity involved, often unstable home lives even if it looks normal on the surface.

All you really need to do is identify these instigators. The other kids in the group will often be manipulated by them - as the instigators will create a narrative that the excluded friend doesn’t like them/is doing something wrong and plays into their insecurities. If you can oust the instigator, or find new friends without one of these people, the other kids are usually not bad kids. They just aren’t mature enough to see clearly.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics