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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes this is one of those things I think but you can't really express because people who have loving parents with whom they have good relationships just can't really understand. And it's hard if not impossible to explain to someone in the midst of grief (even if their parent died some time ago) that their grief is a gift in a way because it represents how deeply they loved and were loved. No one wants to hear that but it's true.

Those of us who don't have that kind of loving parent have been living with grief pretty much our whole lives. I think I started grieving the lack of love and affection from my parents when I was still a child. And as with any grief you can find ways to carry it easier but it never really goes away. But people who ha loving parents will never understand this and they will always just assume that if you have a living parent you are more fortunate than someone who has lost their parent. They don't understand what it is to live without parental love as a child and adolscent and how deeply painful that is -- they only know what it is to lose the love of a parent who has loved them and treated them well all their lives.

They know loss but not true absence and they never will.[/quote]
Very well said. Very.

People constantly question my relationship with my parents (specifically my father) and they'll just never understand. I didn't realize that my nuclear family wasn't normal until I went out into the world and saw how other people interacted with their parents. It's a void or an absence you live with your entire life. And it's grief that you'll never have what other people have. [/quote]

So true.  In some ways, the pain has been more acute, seeing how DH interacts with our kids.  He hugs them, cuddles them, and cares about their emotional well-being.  They'll turn to him with struggles.  I never had that with my dad.  My mom has always been very codependent, and she's felt like my load to carry as my parents have aged and started drifting apart.  But it's not like what OP describes.  I can pull from memories where my parents made sacrifices for us, mostly financial, and also of their time shuffling us to activities.  It helps me to focus on the good things rather than dwell on what I missed out on.  [/quote]

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