Reply to Is my sister a bad house guest or am I off base?

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[quote=Anonymous]Curious about others take on this situation -

My 30+ year old sister and her fiance have stayed out our house about 5 times over 2 years. The first time they stayed about a month while we were away. When we came back the house was clean and everything was in order.

The next 4 stays happened every 3 months or so and lasted about 5 nights each time.

I prepare the guest room for them with flowers, fresh sheets, towels (the basics). In anticipation of their first visit I thought we might do breakfast together a couple mornings, maybe a lunch, a dinner. It turns out when they arrived though that that never happened. I suggested a couple times but they always had plans. At the end of the trip her fiance (then boyfriend) got us a small gift card to a local restaurant. I thought that was nice.

The ensuing few trips were much the same. I realized she was basically using our house as a hotel. No time together, a shared meal, and definitely no hostess gift or offer to take us out for a meal.

I started to notice these things the last time she stayed when I realized I felt a little annoyed. That’s when I looked back and realized we hadn’t shared a meal nor had she offered any quality time together.

Is it off base of me to expect either a hostess gift or thank you note (to show appreciation) if you are going to treat stay like hotel, or some quality time together like a meal?

FWIW I have two young kids and even though we don’t go out of our way, it is effortful to have guests over. One time I suggested she stayed 3 night (to try and keep it shorter and so I didn’t get resentful about feeling a little used) and she said they really needed a fourth night.

The last time she asked was over the holidays. She wanted to stay a week. I just flat out said no. It was over Christmas and we were coming home between trips for the week of Christmas. My sister doesn’t celebrate Christmas and I did not want her staying with us and treating our home like a hotel during a busy and important week.

AITA? Or is she an ungracious guest? Just looking for outside perspective- [/quote]

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