Reply to Feeling shame for wanting sex without relationships

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: the way to deal with this is to find a good therapist who can help you overcome the shame.

But also talk through whether perhaps the shame is revealing itself not because you think anyone will actually judge you - but perhaps because what you want is coming into conflict with other values you hold. And only you can decide which part of you, which part of your self-conception and idea of what makes a good life, should take precedence.

[/quote]

Thank you for your thoughtful response PP. I think part of my internal conflict is my “shoulds”—that I should want a relationship, that I shouldn’t have sex without being in one, that I should wait and be exclusive, etc…when really I don’t want these. I mean, ideally monogamous but realistically not so easy especially with my time constraints during this season of life.[/quote]

I think what you are experiencing right now is just what it is to be human! I should be more ambitious in my job - but I like having lots of free time. And I have conflicted feelings about how to navigate these competing wants.

It is normal to feel conflicted. Life is hard and we have lots of things going on that don't always make for easy answers.

If your analytical brain and your emotional brain right now are telling you that what you need is some godda** fun, then I think you should listen to them. It might also be that this feels really transgressive and it'll take a little while for you to either incorporate it into your view of yourself - as normal - or to decide it's not what you want after all.

Life is full of things we try and evaluate to see if this is what we want to do or if we want to try something else. Give yourself that freedom, I would say. But also do have someone you can talk to about how it makes you feel and what it makes you think.[/quote]

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