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[quote=Anonymous]The vast majority of married people "settle" in the sense that they accept at least some qualities in a partner that are not ideal. Because humans aren't robots and most humans are not actually ideal. Some might be a little more ideal than others but it's sometimes hard to tell -- people tend to focus more on physical qualities and attraction early on and that can obscure a broad variety of "not ideal" qualities that you might only discover later.

For many couples the negative qualities only emerge after kids which is really tricky. You might think you've found the perfect mate and then you have kids and your priorities change but their's don't. And kids is a major trigger but there are many others -- people change over time and also stuff that didn't seem like a big deal when you were young can become a much bigger deal in middle age.

So it's like everyone settles to some degree but also it's just that you are constantly discovering more about your partner (in some cases at the exact same time they are discovering things about themselves) and some of those surprises are not great.

It's all guesswork combined with dedication and figuring out what your limits are and then adjusting as life goes on.

Anyone who tells you that they knew everything they needed to know about their partner before they married and nothing ever changed or surprised them is lying. It's more likely that people like this made some good choices but also got lucky in those choices panning out. It's like picking stocks -- some people are better at it than others but no one has a crystal ball and even the best picker can get unlucky.[/quote]

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