Reply to I do things for people that they wouldn’t do for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A recent event has shown me that I go above and beyond for friends when they don’t do the same for me. I feel extremely disappointed when these things happen. If you’ve BTDT, how can I overcome this? Of course I can just stop doing the things, but it seems to be deeper rooted than that. [/quote]

It is deeper rooted than that, and it's not your job to fix. Some people don't understand reciprocity, feel entitled, and believe that the world is theirs for the taking. If you don't specifically stop them, or specifically ask them to give back, they'll just take without giving. They have very little shame about this, because they project onto the people they're taking from so as not to have to take responsibility for their part of the equation. For a perfect example of this, look at the taker PP who called you selfish and told you to ask.  :lol:

You need to stop doing the things for these people, for your own good. The decent-but-kinda-oblivious ones will notice the disconnect, and step up to fix it and reconnect. The others will fall off; you may stop hearing from them entirely until/unless they need or want something from you. This is why we don't stop giving: we're afraid to "lose friends". Thing is, these people aren't your friends in a way that feels nourishing and supportive and friendly to you. They're not better than nothing; they're draining you. Continuing to give to people who don't pour back into you is depleting, and it's an act of violence against yourself. Work on your self-esteem and remind yourself that you deserve the love and support you give others.

You'll probably need to make better friends. The good news is that once you dial in your standards, the right people will rise to meet them, and you'll get the same kind of energy you give.[/quote]

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