Reply to How did you raise AC who want to live close to you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have two AC who are fully launched, stable jobs, good spouses. One has a young child and plans to have more. They both work in tech and had the opportunity to live in DC (or MD/VA) and work out of the offices here, but instead one chose to live in Seattle, the other in San Francisco. I admit I was a little hurt by this, especially the AC who had a kid last year and knows we would have been happy to be hands-on, helpful grandparents. My relationship with both children are pretty good, they call home regularly, visit for the holidays, and generally welcomed my visit to their city. But it seems like they do not want to live close to us.

We have casually discussed this and both AC mentioned not liking DC much (they didn't grow up here, I moved here after they were already in college). I understand this but I also hear about AC who actively move to be closer to parents so they can get help with childcare (both from places like DCUM and my own circle of friends). The AC with the baby does seem regularly exhausted and could use more help, so I often wonder if there's more to just him "not liking DC."  I have wondered if it's partly due to my divorce and later remarriage, which took place when both AC were in college so they do not have a close relationship with my husband, their stepfather. I've also never had the kind of affectionate, relaxed relationship with my children. They are respectful and courteous, but they do not confide in me or show affection in the way I have seen some AC still do with their parents.

So those of you who have AC who happily relocated to be near you (and NOT because you need or requested elder care - we're not even close to that yet), what kind of relationship do you have with them? Was it for help with childcare or just to be able to spend more time with you?

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I've a physician friend whose son lived at home during college and grad school because she refused to pay for apartments or let him take loans. She got him married to her brother's adopted daughter who wanted to move to US. Both of them are working now in entry level jobs and can't afford the lifestyle parents offer so still living with mom and no plans to move out as mom would also provide free childcare when its time.[/quote]

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