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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was going to say you sound smug/preachy, but on second thought, not really, although you cannot know what led to her kids living far away. In any event, what you’re really experiencing is the advantages of being physically close to someone, when you can just show up for an hour or two instead of having to make it a huge production. [/quote]

This. My hope is to set up things so my own children can simply enjoy visits and not be stressed out. My mother has a special friend around my age and I am glad she has her. I do not say a word to her about what I experience because I want mom to have this in her life. Luckily my husband gets the reality-I am the unappreciated family member or perhaps "spouse" for mom and she is the mistress. Mom wines and dines her, showers her with compliments and shows a side I rarely see. This woman lost her mom who was a truly doting mom so they get to have their fantasy together. She has no idea I deal with an unstable, rage filled monster behind closed doors every time mom goes off her meds. She doesn't know the backflips I have done to have mom in a safe situation. She doesn't know mom gossips about her and badmouths her behind her back and shut it down fast because mom has already alienated too many people. She would probably write something a lot like OP wrote, but she doesn't know the behind closed doors woman I know. She hasn't needed to deal with countless emergencies. She doesn't know why I elected to finally outsource a lot with mom because of what it was doing to me and the family I created. She can enjoy her fantasy. Mom enjoys the attention. She absolutely is in a privileged position to know a side of mom I never got to encounter, but I still love mom and I would not want to hurt mom or this woman by sharing any of it.[/quote]

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