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[quote=Anonymous]What are the usual and appropriate customs?  - if you go to the house after being at the cemetary, bring food. if there's a bowl of water outside the front door, "wash" your hands in it before entering. all mirrors very well may be covered (b/c you're not supposed to focus on yourself when mourning). if there are boxes, cartons, don't sit on those - they're for the people sitting shivah - they are to be sat on so you remember you are in mourning. 
Send flowers? - no
Send food? - yes, or bring it when you pay a shivah call
Go over? - yes
Go to the service? - yes, you don't need to be invited
Go to the house? - yes
is there anything special not to wear/to wear when i go?  - you don't wear black. dark colors, but you don't have to wear all black.

It goes funeral home, cemetery, house where immediate relatives are sitting shivah. 
Do NOT offer money. Do not say the dead person is with Jesus now. :)  Also no need to say they're with God. Good phrases are, "I'm so sorry for your loss." "My thoughts are with you." "It sounds like your father/husband/brother was a really great guy." [/quote]

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