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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with no flowers; Jews tend not to have flowers either at the service or the grave.  However, it is appropriate to bring food to shiva, if you want. This is pretty typical, actually, the idea being that the mourner should be focusing on mourning and recalling their loved one, and others help provide for their physical needs, like food. (Of course, if the family keeps kosher, you may not want to risk bringing something they won't eat.)

You can also make a donation in memory of their family member -- to a charity of their choice if they've specified one, or if they haven't, to a cause that honors the family member. For example, when a good friend died of breast cancer, my family gave donations to a breast cancer charity in her memory.

I wouldn't worry about going to the actual funeral unless you want to. Most people skip the funeral unless they were family or very close friends, and pay a shiva call instead. The mourner will probably remember that more, honestly. The funeral tends to be a big blur and then the shiva call is where people actually have a chance to speak with and comfort the mourner.[/quote]

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