Reply to I am not having a good time in midlife

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[quote=Anonymous]I've been there for many years OP. I realized I desperately needed sleep, more exercise, more down time and outdoor time. So here is what i did.

1.) Declare this is your emergency. If you have emergency savings or are in good shape financially start throwing money at things things that will get you your time to replenish. I won't make this all about me, but instead I will focus on you. Figure out what part of your husbands support you can get through insurance and what you are willing to pay too. Also, there are day programs often pro-rated base don need where your husband can socialize, sometimes find other people with the same illness and have a meal or snack and you know he's safe and connected. If your husband refuses to consider, talk to the director about just having him come for lunch one day and see if she can introduce him to other people who are younger like him and perhaps compatible. That may change his views.

2.) Get outside and exercise every day-rain or shine. Even a 10 minute walk can lift me up or even just bringing my weights to the patio-whatever.

3.) Join a support group. If you don't want in person-try online ones. You get plenty of ideas about resources, ways to cope, etc. Use an anonymous name so if your husband goes looking for support he doesn't see you on there venting.

4.) People will roll their eyes, but consider a gratitude journal. Even in my most challenging times (husband had life threatening episode, mom had angry aggressive dementia and I was primary target, and much more) I could always find things that were going right-from a helpful nurse to an appointment that happened ON TIME, to smile from a stranger or a walk on a beautiful day. It helps to shift your focus to those things.

5.) Shift your thinking to survival and release guilt. I let go of guilt declining things and setting more boundaries because I knew I would be useless for my kids/spouse/parents/self if I fell apart.

6.) Even after I outsourced more for mom, I kept my reduced work schedule and realized we would be fine with the reduced pay longer term. I didn't tell mom that because she would declare the time hers.

7.) Eat as healthy as possible. Getting proper nutrition and not having much sugar makes it easier to cope. It's a marathon not a sprint and you need the right fuel.[/quote]

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