Reply to How to tell one of your friend's that you don't want your kids to hang

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[quote=Anonymous]What we have done in this situation is quietly make choices that keep the kids apart but otherwise maintain the friendship. It's tricky because in our case our kid wants to spend time with their kid. But as the kids have gotten older we would like to limit their time together because we see troubling behaviors in the other kid that we don't want to spread to our child.

We do still socialize with them as a family but only in settings where we can observe the kids the whole time and where there's a clear end point. I also prep my kid for these social functions but sitting down and saying "ok when you see Larlo today please remember [certain behaviors are not okay even if Larlo does them]." We also intervene more when we spend time with them than we would with other kids.

But then separately we have ensured the kids are not in the same classes at school and we do not do the same activities either. I just play dumb with this stuff but it's a conscious choice.

So our kids spend time together maybe once (at most twice) a month and when they do we are present and can both prep our kid and debrief after if we need to. In this way we think our kid is starting to understand that this other child is not a great influence and doesn't make great choices.

We'll see how this progresses. I genuinly like the parents but I also feel frustration at what I perceive as a lack of urgency on their part to address their child's behavioral issues. Sometimes I think one reason they push so hard to get our kids together is becasue they hope our kid will be a positive influence. I hope so too but I also wish they would take more concrete action on their own (I think therapy is needed as well as possibly restructuring their family life to address some of the stressors that clearly influence the acting out).[/quote]

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