Reply to Husband says he’s been unhappy for a long time

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As of last week I would have told you that we had an amazingly strong marriage, but DH recently told me that he’s been unhappy for a long time and wants to go to counseling. We have been married for 15 years and I thought we were a team, parenting, sex 3-4 times a week, lots of loving language and affection.

I feel devastated that he has been holding on to resentment for so long without saying anything. I definitely didn’t think things were perfect but to hear him tell it we were heading towards divorce- and I had no idea. I feel stupid and sad. He also can’t be specific about what resentment he has towards me, so it’s not like I can even start to make changes.

I know the answer is to at least try counseling but has anyone else gone through this? I am really struggling with the fact that he held on to these feelings for so long, I feel betrayed and upset.[/quote]

I would stop thinking about this as something he concealed from you and start thinking about it as something he's brought to you to resolve as the team you believe yourselves to be. He asked you to go to counseling - he did not serve you with divorce papers or tell you about his girlfriend who is just like you but younger.

I was unhappy in my first marriage for a long time too. I told him about the unhappiness both generally and specifically. He, like you, thought that things were generally fine. When I asked him to go to counseling, he refused. Said these things seemed like my problems, like I should fix them myself because he did not agree that there were problems in our relationship. We divorced because he would not take my concerns seriously enough to even discuss them in counseling with me.

Ultimately, I don't know that there are changes he could have made that would've made me happy in our marriage, but his refusal to even try and insistence that it was my problem definitely precluded that.[/quote]

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