Reply to Eldercare so much harder when parents aging at the same time

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[quote=Anonymous]This feels cruel, but I'm jealous of my spouse and friends who lost one parent a decade before the other.  Eldercare is so much easier when the person's spouse is still cognitively available and has executive function abilities.

My Dad has a significant degenerative disease and the fact that my mom is "in charge" but has low executive function makes everything EXPONENTIALLY more complicated.  My Dad sits at home all day because my mom has bad ADHD, doesn't like keeping a schedule, doesn't like making phone calls, can't/won't keep a calendar, spends 8+ hours on her phone everyday, and deals with his condition by "not anticipating" (as if that's a demonstration of a healthy, non-anxious mindset).

My dad deserves so much better.  But he's devoted to my mom and never questions her.  He's fallen, mistakenly cut himself, and grown deeply depressed.  He's an extrovert unlike my mom and needs so much more stimulation than he gets.  This isn't going to end well and it's so hard to watch a train wreck unfold in slow motion.

(Thank you for letting me vent, internet strangers).[/quote]

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