Reply to Sister said I’m a flawed mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, so I was at first going to say that was totally cruel, but then when you got to the part about her admitting she was a bad mom to her first kid... maybe she did legitimately think she was being real and helpful with you. [/quote]

Same process for me. At first I was like "screw your sister -- we're all flawed moms." But it sounds to me like she was trying to offer you guidance from a place of vulnerability and just lost the plot a bit.

I think the main thing she is trying to convey to you is that all parents make mistakes (including her and including you) and that one of the thing that helped her was to be accountable to her kids for those mistakes. I've found this to be true as well. When kids see their parents owning up to mistakes and making amends it sets a precedent that gives kids space to make mistakes and learn from them. It shows them what it means to be truly responsible for your behavior including behavior you aren't that proud of. If the issue is kids misbehaving this is a pretty central lesson and I think your sister is right that this is a good place to start if you feel your kids are acting up and you want the behavior to improve.

The stuff about how you handled things with your ex when your kid was a baby... you asked for a specific example and she gave you one. I get why it stung to hear that but if I'm being totally frank with you I agree with her because what you describe is you having issues with your ex and putting your child's needs in the middle of those issues which is not fair to your kid. It might be worth thinking about whether that's something you continue to do. Or maybe it's not a fair assessment I don't know. But you asked for an example and she provided one. You can't get mad at her for that part. The rest is very sound advice and she sounds like a wise mom. I would listen.[/quote]

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