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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is 67. She initiated divorce 11 years ago or so, they split everything 50/50 and she would have been fine had she not made a series of colossal bad decisions.

She: “helped” a friend who it turns out took half her assets
- quit a stable 3/4 time job at age 57 to “retire” and her pension is miniscule and not keeping up with COL
- sold a condo she could easily afford the payments on, did who-knows-what with the proceeds and now has no housing. She rents an apartment near the big box store where she works.
- moved in with an a guy who gave us the creeps and convinced herself this was the way to go. That relationship ended a year ago - yep, he turned out to be abusive - and somehow she came away with nothing.

So now she is 67 and working FT at a big box, and can’t afford to quit. We know it will not last forever, so my siblings and I have been a little on edge about what will happen when that arrangement goes south.

I already have a complicated relationship with my mom since she basically rejected me and threw me under the bus constantly when I was growing up. In my heart I really don’t feel much love for her. My relationship with my dad and siblings is better - I would want to help if one of them reached out to me.

Also, I am a single mom, saving for my own retirement and my 2 kids’ college in the next few years.

AITA if I do not want to help her, at all? My siblings and I could and would have helped her make better decisions, but she basically gave her money away and is now hinting that she wants us to take care of her.

One of my brothers makes a ton of $$$ compared to me and my other siblings and was/is her favorite. He knows he is the obvious “helper” but he has worked hard for his money, has his own family to worry about, and also recognizes my mom’s role in this and is not happy about it.

Do I make it clear now that I can’t/won’t help? My mom is clueless enough to think I might what with my “fancy” job and “East Coast lifestyle”.[/quote]

OP I am your brother in this scenario.

None of you are required to help your mother.

I have a similar experience with my mother, her choices were and still are worse than your mothers. My mother once gave her brother $10,000 to bail him out of jail from a child porn ring charge ie selling and producing child porn, who does that?????? That is just one example of the poor judgment of my dear old mother.

That happened when my father was still alive and my parents were in their early 70's. Now mom's in her 80's dad's gone, no money whatsoever except small social security.  She has a house with a mortgage I have no idea how the house has not been foreclosed on. Most likely one of my sisters is helping. I have not asked and I am over a having a toxic relationship with a woman who puts criminals over her own children, and has never once treated us well.

There is no moral obligation to help your parents. Especially if it will affect your children and your life.

I am at peace with my decision.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

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