Reply to Where to get help? I am running out of money, taking care of my mom.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a sandwich generation caregiver with my own family and three kids and husband I have been financially helping my mom for 14 years because she was a full-time homemaker and after my parents divorced, my dad died and she got nothing. Several years ago I bought my mom a condo which we recently had to sell after she took an unfortunate fall and ended up in a nursing rehab facility, and I had to move her from a different state over to Maryland.I ended up relocating her nearby, I employee a private caregiver 40 hours a week in a home care model because the nursing facility she was in was negligent and I am currently thinking about suing them.

I took a significant amount of money out of my savings to help my mom. I don’t regret doing it, but I am alarmed at the amount of money I’m spending months helping her. I am burning through my savings and I probably can manage this for one or two more years before my money runs out. I am 12 years from retirement and terrified. I will have nothing after all of this. But I can’t abandon my mom and I don’t know what to do.

She is currently living in a small condo that I purchased for her use. She gets a small amount of Social Security money. I pay for everything, including the mortgage and bills. And the caregiver.

I do not have siblings or family members to help so this is all falling on me. Mom could live another two years or another 20 years, I have no idea. I want to make sure she is taking care of.

I don’t know the process for getting my mom Medicaid. I have researched some things and everything is very contradictory. Why do we have to make our parents totally destitute before they qualify? It seems so wrong. I don’t want to be homeless Either, and I am watching the money fly out of my accounts at an eye watering pace. I still have a daughter to pay for college and private school and Ieither, and I am watching the money fly out of my accounts at an eye watering pace. I still have a daughter to pay for college and private school and I am just short of panicking.

I am scared of contacting an attorney because I don’t want to get taken for a ride with fees. How do I find somebody trustworthy? I need solid advice, but I don’t know who to trust. Can someone recommend a nonprofit or other independent organization that has helped you avoid being taken for a ride?

I’m currently spending my daughters college money on my mom’s final years of care and it doesn’t seem fair.

[/quote]

What you're doing is not fair to your family!!!

You need to take care of the rising generation not the the one dieing.  You mom should have done this too. It was irresponsible for her not to do this. Actually this situation is exactly why no woman should EVER depend on a man.  The model you are setting for your daughter with ricochet through your family legacy for many generations and will keep them all living tight, especially the women.  You need yo know that.

That said, you're already in this pretty deep.  If your mom has no money she does qualify for Medicaid. Sign her up immediately. I'd also find a nearby home that you can visit covered by her SS. Don't move her into your house unless you also want a divorce and to end up like your mom.  [/quote]

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