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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this all new behavior?  Like has never happened before?[/quote]

He's always had an undercurrent of pessimism and he's always been a bit of a misanthrope.  But it's at another level now.  And he's just so much more irritable and angry now.  But if I dare to say anything, he says I'm wrong, and that everyone who knows him disagrees with me.  That I mistake his views for pessimism when they are actually optimistic.  It's truly crazy making. [/quote]

NP. Sounds like there has been a change in his behaviors and reactions, then. And a change is a signal that something is going on with him. New job? New boss a the old job, or different responsibilities? Any change in his family of origin, a sick parent, money worries re: a parent or sibling? Financial worries at home? Does he focus a lot on the news, and that's why the world seems to suck, because the world is feeling dire right now? Is he facing down a significant birthday or other event which might be reminding him time's passing quickly?....Sit down alone and think if there are new stressors which might be triggering a worsening of his pessimism. Any chance there are stressors outside the house that you don't know about, OP, like trouble at work?

And then: I agree with the PP who said, sounds like possible depression. Depression, especially in men, can manifest not as sadness or "the blues" but as anger and lashing out; please don't assume, "He isn't sad, so it's not depression." And here's the hardest part: Getting him to see his doctor for a full checkup including things like thyroid function, and a depression screening. He likely will balk and argue against it and might get even more negative and angry, but you can point out very clearly that whatever HE thinks is going on with himself, YOU perceive there is a problem, and when one person in a couple sees a problem, yes, a problem exists! He may try to -- is gaslight the right term?-- convince you that you're hearing pessimism when he says it's optimism (a very, very weird take). You'll have to be tough enough to call that out and say, I've made an appointment, and will go with you if you want, but you need to keep it.

You cannot force him to change but you can and should be clear with him that his behavior is making you view him and the marriage in a new light and it is not good, and you're asking him to have an objective outsider check him out. I know, you don't want to engage with him when he's like this, and it's HARD on you. Iv'e been there, OP. But it's either engage, or let it simmer and fester into resentment that'll curdle the marriage and the  kids' relationships with him. [/quote]

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