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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Within the last year I have learned that one of my best friends since high school is a horrible person.

1) Told me for two or three years she was leaving her dh due to his lack of effort/neglect. Turns out she was cheating on him with multiple men. She has never acknowledged this to me. I found out from a mutual friend who walked in on her with the one. 
2) Taking advantage of men who express interest in her - she will say horrible things about them and then a week later will be at dinner with them
3) Going out with men who are still married

Multiple friends of ours have started distancing themselves from her. Some have flat out remained friends with her ex-dh, even if they were friends with her first. She has noticed this and expressed frustration to me but I'm not sure how to bring it up to her. "Hey, I know you cheated on Bob with Jim, Joe, and Steve because they blabbed"? I know she'll never be straight with me because she's embarrassed.

I guess I'm just sad. She was one of my best friends but I have no interest in hanging out with her anymore. Even now, I have plans with her tomorrow night and I'm just not excited. Anyone btdt and have advice? [/quote]

What is it exactly that upsets you?  I re-read what you said and switched the gender to make it a guy that said he was leaving DW due to neglect etc but was actually cheating, took advantage of women that expressed interest in them and a week later had sex with them, and went out with married women ….and I would imagine guys would still be friends with them.

Look, if this is supposed to be your best friend you need to decide if she has been a good friend to you.  Then think if she was willing to come clean about her challenges, would you be able to disagree with how she handled something but still be her friend.  If the answer to either is no, then you need to figure out if direct or slow fade is the right approach to distance yourself.  If you think you do want to continue to be her friend but feel it is one sided if you are vulnerable while she hides a big part of her life then you need to open the door to that conversation and go from there.

Each person in the friend group is an adult and should be able to make their own decisions about their relationship with her.  I had a college friend that lied about everything.  We uncovered what was going on by people mentioning the inconsistencies in her story and talking among the group but each person made their own decision about their friendship and didn’t try to sway anyone to be her friend or not be her friend.  There was obviously something deeper going on with that person but in the end I decided that I didn’t want to continue the friendship.  The person wasn’t a good friend to me and the things that could have been seen as friendship were used as ways to stay in control of the social group.  She would also lie in ways that would kick someone while they were down to raise herself up.  Of the group, one person has decided to have at least superficial contact and that was their choice.  Someone else, the person that knew them the longest and probably was hurt the most by some of the lying, has chosen to go no contact and that is their choice.  I’m in the middle where if there was a change, I might keep in touch. Without any changes it would just be a continuation of her not being a good friend but with me knowing that up front.[/quote]

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