Reply to Why are mothers unkind/jealous of their daughters?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom isn’t necessarily unkind, but there’s always been an undercurrent of competition and jealousy. I think in my mom’s case, she is very insecure and judgmental and assumes everyone thinks exactly like her, so she’s defensive at the same time. And also sort of hoping I fail in some of the same ways she did, just so she can be vindicated. We’ve had some really bumpy periods throughout our relationship. I don’t want to cut her off completely, so I just share as little as possible with her (which isn’t hard, because she doesn’t ever ask). I use her comments as opportunities to practice remaining calm and non-reactive. And I try hard to do better by my own kids.[/quote]

This is so similar to my own situation.  For so many years I tried to make my mom proud & happy and it wasn't until I was an adult I realized this was a lost cause.  We've had very different life paths (she married young, I married older, I worked for many years before coming a SAHM and she stayed home always) and she is constantly projecting her insecurities and unfulfillment on me and everyone else.  There is also this terrible undercurrent of jealousy and competition that used to wear me down and I now recognize it for what it is.  I also recognize the ability to have a completely different relationship with my own daughter.[/quote]

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