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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Emotional immaturity and the inability to understand the parent-child relationship in a healthy way.
[b]
I recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.[/b] It gets recommended on here a lot but I think it applies especially in this dynamic.

My parents are both jealous of their kids and have always been incredibly derisive and unkind when that jealousy came out. It actually took me a long time to understand the unkindness was linked to jealousy, so kudos to you for figuring that out. In my parents' cases, they are both younger siblings in huge families where abuse and neglect were very present (as well as alcoholism and other traumas). They never developed a stable sense of self that would help them understand their role as parents, so as we went through adolescence, they both viewed us as competitors or threats and became condescending, rude, sarcastic, and undermining. They have almost no ability to celebrate our successes unless they can claim them as belonging entirely to them, and they view any choice we make that differs from anything they did as an attack. It's exhausting.

However, I have not gone no contact. I'm low-ish contact and have gotten much better at detaching from them and their behaviors and allowing myself to see the dynamic for what it is. It actually has little to do with me. It is very sad I don't have supportive or kind parents, and it's sad that I have reached a point of emotional maturity beyond what they've ever been able to reach. It sucks. But it's not that uncommon and it's a situation I have learned to live with.

Like you, I focus on not repeating these patterns with my own kids and that helps a lot because at least I know these cycles of abuse/neglect/jealousy/immaturity will end with me. I am sure I'll have my issues in my old age and my kids will have to deal with them, but I feel confident I am not/will not be this kind of draining, undermining force in their lives the way my parents often are.[/quote]

+1 on this book recommendation.  I think it would be very helpful for your situation.[/quote]

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