Reply to Mom won’t accept help caring for Dad

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Mom won’t accept help caring for Dad"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My dad has pancreatic cancer and mild/moderate dementia and is now on feeding tubes after surgery and will start chemo (again) in a few weeks.

My mom is absolutely running herself ragged. She has literally put herself on an all liquid diet out of sympathy for my dad and won’t let anyone else eat or talk about food in front of my dad (though he, unlike the rest of us, has tubes for actual nutrition!). She’s only sleeping a few hours a night, and collapsed last night in her clothes only to wake after a couple hours to help my dad when his tubes needed flushing. She’s showered once in the last week. She’s also doing dishes and cleaning and doing laundry AND trying to be emotionally supportive to my dad.

I’ve been there to assist as much as possible, I’ve managed a ton of logistics and when I’m present I do as much as possible (without asking her; if we ask she says she’ll manage it) but I have to return to my own life soon and reduce my visits to a few times a week. I’m exhausted by it all and I’m doing 10% of what she is.

We hired nursing care in their home 24/7 (my mom accepted this but says they are only there for “emergencies”.)  I’m trying to transition the care to the nurses. But my mom wants to be the one to do everything: give his medication (which makes it super confusing when the nurses don’t know if it has been given), do his injections (WHY when we are paying for a nurse!?!), manage his tube feedings, change his bandages, change his clothes, etc. She definitely also wipes his butt when he toilets and yet was too embarrassed to even tell the nurses he does that.

What do I do? I’m frustrated but I’m thinking at this point she has 24/7 care and I just need to let her sink or swim - as in, she WILL burn out and at least she’ll have someone there to pick up the pieces. Is that ok? Or do I need to try (again, and again) to get her to STOP and accept help?

The nurses are definitely trying to do their job while also being respectful (and avoid being fired, frankly) but she just says no or goes ahead and does things herself. She’s so tired she’s not even thinking straight.

Any advice?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics