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[quote=Anonymous]Ok OP. I have a lifelong anxiety disorder. Both my kids have ADHD that brings along anxiety as a friend.  And even with my history, I waited way too long to medicate my oldest.

Its scary.  It’s also very common post COVID and very treatable. If you get good treatment.

For situational anxiety, therapy alone can be fine. But even then, you sometimes need to use meds to get the anxiety to a place for the kid to be calm enough for CBT to work. And CBT takes time to work. For lifelong anxiety?  It’s a medical condition. Any solution is almost certainly medication + therapy. Not either/or. We talk about having a toolbox in our house. Medication, a therapist, activities that are healthy and calming (I do yoga, one kid plays an instrument), etc.

Medication doesn’t have to be lifelong. And it can be something that your kid is on during more stressful periods of her life and off during others. I was on in law school. Then off. Then back on after baby #2 in 2 years.

Your plan looks like this.  Get a psychiatrist and therapist. Do not recommend using your pediatrician for meds.  They can’t be specialists in everything, and getting these meds right is tricky. They take a while to build up, what works for one person does nothing for another, side effects can be tough— or non-existent. Plus (and not to scare you because it’s very low probability), if things are going to go off the rails in mental health, it tends to happen in early college. If that were to happen, you’d want someone who knew your kids mental health at baseline and was a specialist.

And get a therapist. One more reliable than “every other week, except when I’m on vacation”.  And get on more than one waiting list.  A therapist fit is very personal. You don’t want to start from scratch if the first try isn’t a good fit. Or feel forced to use a meh fit.

In the meantime, keep your kid busy within her limits. By which I mean distracted. Binge watch Gilmore Girls. Take her shopping. Build in some form of physical activity.  Swimming, walking, tennis, hitting a punching bag— anything to burn off the stress. Drag her to yoga class with you. Brainstorm with her on things she enjoys or would like to learn. Using your hands (knitting, nanoblocks sets, origami, drawing, sewing) can be especially helpful.

Take stressful things off her plate. Have her take some incompletes if needs be. If it’s stressful and can wait, hit pause. Not stop. Not forever.  Just until she starts meds and they kick in and she gets a therapist. Be a cruise director.

Unfortunately, good adolescent mental healthcare is in high demand and good providers are worth waiting for. Because bad ones can do more harm than good. If you can bridge the gap until she can see good ones, do.

Good luck. It may take some trial and error, but you care and you are there, and that’s important. You can get the pieces in place and this can be a blip.  And there can be an upside. My own kids are in college and really good about coming to me now with problems and screwups that lots of kids hide until the parent sees the Fs on report cards. And it’s not because I’m a perfect parent. I think it’s because when they were struggling I fought for them. With the school, with their teachers, to get good mental health treatment. They remember that I stuck with them when it was tough, and it banked a lot of goodwill.

Not my kids made very smart college choices for themselves. And continue to make good choices, especially about their physical and mental health. And, I think they will be happy, fully functional, successful, well balanced adults. It really can be fine.  And it’s much easier to deal with before they turn 18. At that point, your ability to require treatment disappears. They need to understand the importance of caring for their mental health before then.

Hugs. [/quote]

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