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[quote=Anonymous]My mother hasn’t spoken to her family in decades. In the past, one of her siblings will reach out when someone has passed away, as they did with her grandmother, two brothers, and then her mother. It appears no one contacted her about her father dying because just a couple of weeks ago she was talking about how a large storm passed through the town where her father lives, but he passed away this past January. My grandfather had a unique name which I heard on a podcast, and it prompted a strange and urgent curiosity in me to search his name, and that’s how I found out.

I think it will devastate my mother that not only is her father dead, but will confirm that he never tried to reach out in his illness (he died after a long sickness), and that nobody cared enough to inform her of his passing. There is a LOT of history there, childhood trauma, unresolved hurt. I don’t think I should tell her, but at the same time, this feels like a heavy burden. She mentions him occasionally, I think she hopes/hoped he will reach out to her before he dies/died, and now it’s too late.

If I keep this a secret and let her discover this on her own, how should I act the next time she brings him up? [/quote]

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