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[quote=Anonymous]In grad school, i went to a “Bible Study” that was more of a cult.  It had a strange, but charismatic leader, Walt, who would preach for hours and hours every Thursday night.  I learned a lot.  As a newbie, I was assigned to the worship leader for discipleship.  He realized I’d had a fair amount of trauma as a kid and decided with Walt that I should meet with the group’s LCSW, Steve.

I met with Steve for three years.  He said he’d only meet with me if I signed a release that he could discuss my case with Walt, the cult leader.  Steve was certain that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka Multiple Personality Disorder) and that my other personalities weren’t coming out because I wouldn’t give up control.  We spent two years in deadlock arguing about this.

At Steve’s suggestion, I quit my PhD program and got a job.  Walt confirmed that this was God’s path for my life.  Around this time, I learned that Walt had been sharing the details of my diagnosis and my past trauma with many people in the cult.  I was seen as crazy and unwilling to give up control to let God heal me.

After a few years, I met my husband and moved here to the DMV area.  Steve and Walt said I was walking away from God.

During all this, I was living with my college roommate and best friend, Elizabeth.  She is the only person from the cult who I invited to my wedding.  She and I kept a n touch and she visits every year, sends special books to my kids, etc.

Elizabeth just got engaged and wants me to be in the wedding.  I’ve done therapy here in the DMV and take some strong psychiatric drugs.  I’ve gained 100 pounds since I started psychiatric meds, and I feel really ashamed of myself and embarrassed to go back.  I was 5’6” and 105 pounds in grad school…people back at the cult won’t even recognize me.

Any tips on dealing with this humiliation of weight gain?  Many other things in my life are good: I have a respectable job, brilliant and beautiful kids, and I’m a multimillionaire, but it’s my weight that everyone will see.

Also, I did find a lot of healing for past trauma, but it came at random moments, not during my therapy sessions.

Thanks for listening.  I’m open to advice.  Don’t tell me not to go to the wedding; that is not an option.

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