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[quote=Anonymous]We also went through this with our child when they were 13. They told us the level of hopelessness and anxiety was overwhelming, and they were using it as a way to control these feelings. It took about a year to get all the support needed and to see them in a better place—we got a psychiatrist and a diagnosis, but they did in fact end up as an inpatient in the hospital for about a week as there was some suicidal ideation (like an earlier poster stated -- our child told us this was a traumatizing experience, but I can also say it gave us an immediate support team, which we needed). Our child was medicated and, after the hospital, they were put in an outpatient program to help teach coping skills. Things improved but not truly until we found the right therapist, and through this, they also started in a DBT group. Having other teens in the DBT group who were having to learn how to manage emotions seemed to help, and they really liked their individual therapist, which is huge.

Weirdly, someone also told us that teens like this are usually low on vitamin D and, sure enough, not only did they test low on this in a blood test, once we got them on a daily dose of Vit D, they seemed to stop having the urge to self-harm. The school also helped get a 504 set up, so they have a support team at school and a counselor they can go to if things get stressful there.

I agree with an earlier poster who said “listen to them and tell them you love them” – I also think you need to tell them “I have your back and will not let you fall” – and show them by finding out ways to support them both physically and emotionally. For us it became about using our strength to be there for them but not to overly control them—which can be a really difficult balance. Behind the scenes you are removing things they can use to hurt themselves and talking with the school etc. to set up a support team, but when you are around them, you are providing concrete forms of care, levity and love.

I also think finding someone who has gone through this to talk to is essential. It is not only more common than people realize, finding people to talk to and learn about what to do will give you concrete things to do to help show your child they will get through like others have, and find a positive future. Teens are bombarded with expectations from every angle (school, sports, media, friends, and family) and they do not always know who will really truly look out for them and understand them. A good therapist, and we have been lucky to have had this experience, is that person who is there just for them, and can, moreover, help them deal with possible pressures that also come from parents. A recommendation from someone for a good therapist is an important start. I wont go into too much detail here -- but if you need more specifics about in-patient hospitals for teens (their care approach varies wildly and some are better than others -- Virginia better than DC for example), counseling programs / therapy, etc. I hope all of us who have been through this can provide more info on this site. It is not something you should have to go through on your own. Once you get the support systems in place, these can help your child, and will also have you feeling supported, which is key.[/quote]

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