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[quote=Anonymous]
First, you're right to NOT try to shoehorn in a second, part-time job. You are likely to get posts here insisting you should get a second job, but do not second-guess your smart decision not to do so. A second job would create a huge amount of additional stress on top of the stress you already feel, because as you wisely realize, with kids and his unpredictable schedule, a second job will end up costing you in mental stress and if you have to have even a little child care/sitting, that will eat money anyway. Someone's likely to come along and say, "But but but, work online from home, it's so easy, do it when the kids are sleeping!" etc. So easily said, not so easily done, and OP -- at some point you do HAVE to sleep, eat, and maintain some time with your children and DH. You're smart to find other places to cut expenses, instead, for now.

A couple of thoughts:

--Do you think your "blaming" DH might actually be misplaced frustration, on your part, that he doesn't see or doesn't acknowledge all the things you are doing to make ends meet? Is he fully aware that you (just for instance) are buying cheaper foods at the grocery store, haven't bought the kids new clothes for a while even though they might need a few new things, etc.? You might actually be feeling underappreciated for changes he just isn't even aware are happening, especially if he's super focused on this new job and distracted by the irregular schedule etc. Talk to him. Walk him through the changes if you haven't already. Not in a "Look at me!" way but in a "We're a team and I'd like you to understand this" way. It might help both of you.

--You note that he is guaranteed a promotion at the end of the year. Keep reminding yourself of that. He did lose things like personal time but it sounds as if he did negotiate a new job where he gets this promotion and that's positive.
 
--Is it possible that you miss the structure of the previous life, OP? When he had more time off, and more predictable hours, and you knew he could be more hands-on with the kids, do more pickups, you could take vacations, and now that's all changed? That too could be turning into misplaced "blame for losing the job" feelings, when they're really "I miss the life we had before and it changed when your job vanished" feelings. It's legit to feel what you feel about the changes to your family's life for now, but assigning blame to him and not to the universe, fate, the previous employer's being stupid/jerks etc. is inaccurate (which you already know and recognize).

--Depending on the circumstances of his former employer's collapse, maybe you blame them, but since they're not actually present in your life every day, it's been placed onto him. I'd reserve being pi$$3d off for being pi$$3d off at the old employer, honestly. I know, they're not living with you. But why is the feeling of assigning blame landing on him in your mind, rather than on them? I'd rage at them in your mind, or vent together with him, and then let it go and try to move on, free of the blame. Has he had a good, hard, angry vent about the old employer yet? Have you?

Try to reframe this in your mind. Consider if you feel underappreciated by him right now, and give him a chance to see the things you're doing to make ends meet. Consider if you're just frustrated and tired, which is [i]perfectly legit[/i], but shouldn't end up on his shoulders. Carve out ANY time that you can to connect with him, too; please don't let what sounds like a tedious but [i]temporary[/i] situation -- one he's handled well by finding another job quickly, right? -- create a wedge between you in an otherwise good marriage. I really am rooting for you and DH as a team. It sucks, sucks, sucks, to lose a job through no fault of your own and it does affect the entire family, not just the person who loses the job. I also think you're incredibly self-aware and thoughtful to realize you feel blame but it's not accurate to blame him. Please update us, I really wish you the best. [/quote]

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