Reply to What do you dream about in terms of a life for yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m the PP with the 16 year old. I never post anywhere, but I recall so clearly feeling so lost and alone with this.

On the screen piece, we used to have very strict limits, and when we changed approaches, we gave them up. Totally. As I mentioned, my disregulated kid did nothing but screens for months. It helped them regulate and trust that we were trying something new.  I was terrified that they would never be able to stop. They still use screens way more than I’d like, and read much much less than they used to, but they can r recognize now that YouTube all day makes them crabby, they have productive things that they do with screens (I don’t want to give too many identifying details but they taught themselves some skills from YouTube and now do productive things on the computer too), they recently said that they wanted to read more, and they are able to do nonscreen things. It was terrifying though to go against the common wisdom - the must take away all screen thing, but it worked for us, and helped us rebuild our relationship.

Things that made a difference - listen to the Ross Greene podcasts. Start with the older ones. Join the B team on Facebook. Read The Explosive Child. Learn a little about PDA - it isn’t totally my kid, but he sees himself in some of the traits, and it has been a helpful lens. Find a therapist that understands. We struck gold with a school therapist, and also found a person who wasn’t a clinician but called them self an autism expert of sorts. They are a bit batty but also connected with my kid and helped them see a way out. Lots of people recommend Asberger experts. We found them later and didn’t use them a ton, but it is similar to the Dr. Greene approach and from a neurodiverse perspective. Trust that if traditional methods aren’t working, they won’t. Even our very traditional psychiatrist (who was advocating that we send our kid away) is now on board (and is referring people to our wacky non-clinician).

Hang in there. It is never a straight line of progress but it does change and can get better. [/quote]

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