Reply to Is it reasonable to expect an increase in living standards over the years?

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Reply to "Is it reasonable to expect an increase in living standards over the years?"

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[quote=Anonymous]This is tricky. I do not think it is unreasonable in general -- especially in the context of a marriage where you are joining forces in a way that usually improves financial stability and makes things like home ownership easier and more efficient, I don't think it's weird to think that you'll be living a bit better in your 40s/50s than in your 20s/30s. You should be making more money, have more equity by then.

The trick is that if you have kids, that can eat up some of the increases in income in a way that can actually make you feel less well off. This happened to my DH and I. For the first 5-6 years of being parents, we felt poorer than we ever felt before becoming parents, even back in our 20s when we were objectively kind of broke with very low incomes and living in group houses and such. Because we had more disposable income. When a huge portion of your income is going to childcare, college savings, housing big enough for a growing family, it's easy to feel like there's nothing left over. Add in the fact that with kids, stuff you used to do without thinking too hard (going out to eat, traveling) is suddenly more expensive because you need more of everything, and it can feel like you are moving backwards.

Now add in inflation and the huge increases in COL in this area, plus skyrocketing college costs that are scary to any parent.

The good news is that if you can work your way through those early years of parenthood and make smart choices (sacrificing to buy a home, which is the best way to build equity and start building wealth, saving religiously, continuing to put money into your retirement savings, etc.), you will hit a point where things start to feel easier. But it takes time, unless you're making huge leaps in income, which most people are not. Some are, but most are not.

So you need to factor all this in. If you are upset because you want to upgrade to a house that you presently can't afford, and blaming that on your spouse's lack of ambition, you need to step back and ask if (1) you will get there, just not as fast as you currently want, and (2) whether it's really fair to blame it on him. Maybe it is fair, I don't know! But you need to put this in context. Life is long and good financial planning takes effort and, importantly, patience. [/quote]

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