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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a woman with a SAHD spouse and it's hard in my particular case.

It's hard to get rid of those ingrained expectations about the default parent, housework, etc. In the end it rubs him wrong and hurts his pride to be doing almost all the housework, etc. When I'm done working for the day, he's happy to retreat alone to the TV room for the night and feels like he's earned it. Except then I'm doing two jobs -- my paid work and almost 100% of childcare when I'm not at work. He's constantly calculating the total hours of childcare each of us does. And now the kids are in school and he's lost his professional momentum.

So if you stay at home, make sure you have really good communication about how the roles make you feel, how you're going to handle childcare and housework when your spouse isn't at work, how you're going to handle the mental and emotional labor stuff of administering a home and a family life.

Be realistic about your ability to get back into the labor market in your field. It may be better for your relationship for you to go half or 3/4 time at work and outsource more stuff.

In my case we didn't plan for my husband to stay at home but he lost his job when I was pregnant and just --- long story short --- didn't go back to work. We didn't communicate well before this, so we didn't have a strong foundation for an arrangement like this.

That said, my husband takes extreme pride in his parenting and how well he directly takes care of the kids. My kids would definitely have dirty fingernails and uncombed hair much more often if it were left up to me. But I'm more affectionate with the kids and can research the heck out of summer camps. We all have our strengths.

Good luck![/quote]

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