Reply to Those of you who stay together for the kids, how do you cope with the resentment?

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Reply to "Those of you who stay together for the kids, how do you cope with the resentment?"

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[quote=Anonymous]We are in a high-tension marriage, separated but living under the same roof. A conflict can erupt at any time. I really wish I didn't have to see my husband ever again. However, we have a 13 year-old together. We have already reduced communication to the kid-related minimum. So even if we divorced, I'd still have to communicate with him just as much or more because of the logistics.

However, on the weekends (the only time we see him) interacting with him makes me so depressed that I am hardly able to do anything. I am so hurt and resentful. I see no way out of this misery.

I can hardly believe that the man I married 20 years ago now behaves in such a rude and insensitive manner. A small example from last night: he had picked up DD at a friend's birthday party 45 minutes away. H and DD have driven back already 10 minutes when DD received a phone call from another friend at the party. Her parents were asking us to take the girl with us, and they would pick her up at a location convenient to us. They live 15 minutes from us in the other direction, so it made sense to carpool. Five minutes later I called DD and told her in our native language which location on our route is the meeting point most convenient to the other parents. While I was speaking to my daughter, H rudely intervened, saying in an aggressive tone (in our native language) that I should shut up and hang up, because the discussion is over. It turned out that he, because he is not familiar with the map and couldn't identify a convenient location to hand over the friend, had already offered to drive her home instead. That meant 30 extra minutes drive past my daughter's bed time. 
When they got home he explained that he didn't want the girl to have the impression that we don't want to drive her home. However, her parents didn't expect us to drive her anyway. Plus, our conversation was in our native language, so the girl didn't understand it anyway. I told him that, along with "The girl certainly did understand the tone and manner in which you speak to me." His reaction: "You always pick a fight."

This is how he speaks to me often. Our daughter, who is otherwise sweet and respectful, has started to align her behavior on the weekends to that of her father, and more and more often speaks to me in a rude, abrupt and disrespectful manner, too.

This makes me so unhappy, I can hardly bear it.

A recent thread on this forum about communication among separated spouses made me realize how 
common my situation is, sadly.

How do you cope with the anger, how do you put yourself in a better place mentally? [/quote]

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