Reply to Amazing DD has become a monster at age 13

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I often have to remind my 13 yo that if she wants me to treat her like the adult she's becomng, she needs to act like one.  One thing I won't tolerate is backtalk.  I tell all my kids that they can think something nasty all they want but I don't want to hear it come out of their mouths.  The old adage "if you can't say something nice, don't asy anything at all" has never been more true!  If she hurls insults I would simply remind her "I'm your mother and I won't deal with that disrespect.  Come back when you can be civil." and walk away.  Bad attitude earns zero rewards no matter what she wants.  She wouldn't speak to her friends that way (or she'd have none!) so don't stand for it toward yourself or any other family member.[/quote]

OP here. I agree this is good advice, and I have tried very hard to put this in place, but so far it has not worked. My DD just screams whenever she feels like it, and later says she's sorry. She writes me charming notes, and she hugs me every night before she goes to bed and tells me she loves me. She can be totally wonderful, and I think she's starting to realize that her charm is something she can use to get things she wants from me. DH does not put up with it, and ends up yelling at her, taking a ZERO tolerance attitude. I can't do that because I'm a SAHM, and I have to deal with her so much more than DH does. I'm in menopause and am very tired, so these arguments with her are exhausting to me. I can't take too many of them, and yes, I often leave just to get away from her, but often what I have to do (if I'm driving the kids, for example) is ignore her and wait until her sanity returns.

But I'd prefer to have a more civilized relationship with her, and stop all the insults, which I laugh off usually, but when I do, she gets incensed and tells me I'm a horrible mother and I ruin everything! There's no winning in this situation, so I usually retreat until she's calmed down. It's hard to believe, but she was never like this before age 13. She really was (and is) an amazing, wonderful, generous, sweet child, but hormones have bent her into a different animal. [/quote]

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