Reply to Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best"

Forum Index » Schools and Education General Discussion

Reply to "Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]We are struggling with this in our house right now. We have a bright, academically-inclined, hard-working kid who gets good grades and likes school. When it comes to anything where she is assessed based on her own progress and ability to master coursework, she does great. She's going to go to college, I think she has the skills to do well there as well, and I feel confident that she can have a good career in her desired field (she's very science-focused with a particular interest in earth sciences). I don't worry about her in this way. She's a well rounded kid with a mix of natural intelligence, genuine interest in subject matter, and good study and practice habits.

The problem: she is at a school with some intensely academically competitive kids, who don't just work hard or do the homework, but study hours every night, do lots of supplementing to get ahead, do all academic summer programming etc. Some of that is the parents, but a lot of it at this point is the kids -- just super driven in a very specific way not just to do well but to win. It's only a handful of kids, but they are the superstars at school. A couple are also athletic superstars. It's just how it is, some people are like that, I never look at them and wish my kid was more like that (I think our family doesn't have the intensity for that kind of approach anyway, we are not super competitive people). I don't even think my kid actually wants to be like that -- she wants to do her homework and then read a book or draw in her sketchbook or go play a rec sport. She does not want to be working hours a day to compete.

But she gets frustrated watching these kids win all the accolades. I get it -- everyone wants to be recognized. But I'm worried because I have started hearing some self talk creep in that is (1) not helpful, and (2) not even true. Like she's started to say stuff like "I'm not that smart" or "Maybe I'm just not an academic person." This is BS -- she is. I've never met a kid who loves books or learning about different kinds of rocks or the history of the universe as much as she did. She's smart and she's academic. She's just not *competitive* in the way these kids are.

How do you reconcile this? She gets good grades, it's all going to work out. But I don't want this focus on competitive academic achievement to undermine her. We say the stuff you're supposed to say -- run your own race, focus on your own goals and how to get there, cheer on your classmates for doing the same, etc. But we're getting to the time of year where they hand out the awards and prizes for academics. DD is going to make honor roll again and usually gets a standout award in a class or two for writing or her passion for science. But she will also see these other kids getting ALL the awards and I can tell it bugs her. What do I say? How do I encourage her without taking anything away from these other kids? It's not like only the top 3 kids from school get to go to college or something, but DD doesn't seem to understand this context right now.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics