Reply to To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm at a loss here and don't really know how to approach this. My 16 year old is wearing clothing I don't approve of. But her mother is OK with it. (We are divorced). It's not about being revealing. . It's more about being socially inappropriate .Like wearing a t shirt that has a controversial, sometimes inflammatory (think something along the lines of "white power") political message on it.  She's bound to get comments about some of what she wears. And while her style of dress may make her seem brazen, she really isn't. I'm not sure she could handle any confrontation if one were to occur.

Am I making  too much of this? It's pointless to try to talk her out of this, isn't it? I told her I don't want her wearing it at my house or when she's staying with me. She said she won't come over on the weekends anymore.  I don't want her wearing this clothing but I don't want to lose my daughter either. Is there any way to approach this effectively and logically? Or do I just resign myself to the fact she's going to wear what she wants to wear?[/quote]

Yes, this is a tough one. Does her school have a dress code? Usually offensive messages are banned from school.
My DD is similar, she mostly dresses modestly, but at times wants to buy clothes with messages that seem intended to provoke attention. I think alot of it is attention getting behavior.

If your daughter is trying to provoke a response ( and she might not even be consciously aware of doing this!), probably the best thing would be to ignore the clothing, but try to give her lots of positive attention in other ways. 
Compliment something you do like about her appearance ("I like how you are wearing your hair today. " "Those are cute ear-rings") 
Plan activities for just the two of you and get to know her as a person.

Focus on the positives![/quote]

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