Reply to Stages of grief?

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Reply to "Stages of grief?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there is a lot of denial and bargaining in the first few years -- he will be cured by x therapy, we will find the right therapy and he will be normal; he will learn xyz skill (talking or walking or whatever) by age 2/3/4 and that will make all the difference in his seeming normal.  There is acceptance over a period of a couple of years and a real period of getting to know your child for who he/she really is and falling in love with THAT child, not the child of your imagination and pregnancy dreams.  Then the real relationship begins.  However, there are dips and depressions and angry feelings that can occur whenever you are around kids your child's age who are normal or around a gathering of cousins/family members/etc.

I don't know where you are now, whether your child was diagnosed at birth, has no diagnosis, is in an unfolding stage, but I think it's important to make friends with other special needs moms, to have a network of therapists who can "guru" you and to just let yourself be okay.  I did a lot of acting "as if" in the first few years...acting as if I were okay with my life, and I realized after a few years that I WAS okay.[/quote]

This really sums it up. It feels much better now being the stage of loving the child I have, not the one I imagined. While i don't think he will be cured by therapies, they help A LOT. I still have the dips into sadness, but the despair passes faster than it did way back when. I I don't have days and days of crying jags. I do think I get delusional every now and then and think things are much more improved than they are and then reality hits, but I recover fasther.

One of the many contributors to me finding some happiness and peace with the here and now was finding a good ST,OT and PT for my child. Some suck or at least some sucked for my child. Some sucked for me which I think is bad for my kid. I have been insulted by hopefully well-meaning interventionists who just could not possibly empathize. I have been talked down to by idiots (yeah, my anger still surfaces) Once I found "the one" for each realm, I could feel the anxiety and sadness decreasing. I saw improvements in my child and I felt connected to the person like we were a team. Along those lines, I really wish there was more training of clinicians regarding how to connect with the parents.  Some are naturals. Some have been there. Some IMO can do more harm than good. [/quote]

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