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[quote=Anonymous]My wife (F40) and I (F48) have been married 4 years. We have a 4yo son & her 7yo daughter from a marriage that concluded before baby was born; both kids consider us their moms (though dad is still in the picture). In other words, my wife has had 6 years of a relationship with a woman to understand that people perceive her as a woman in a relationship with a woman, [i.e. a lesbian/bi/pan/queer]. [/i] But when I make the kinds of lesbian jokes that I make about myself (and she makes about me) at her, she gets pissed off and tells me she isn’t gay. When I substitute the word “bisexual” (b/c the comments in question are about having crushes on women, wearing certain clothes, etc., not the question of her attraction to men, which I understand), she’s still upset. When I make references to the LGBT+ community, she acts like she’s not involved and she just “happens to be married to a woman” — but that woman is an out and proud lesbian! Our marriage is overall great and our sex life is still off the charts which I understand is an achievement with kids this age, but it’s hard not to read this discomfort as a repudiation of me and what I/our marriage mean for her identity. I would’ve understood that five years ago, but she proposed, for God’s sake! It was her idea to have a second kid together! How do I deal with what I know is her insecurity without resenting her/how much is it appropriate for me to let her know this hurts my feelings?[/quote]

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