Reply to How to Help Aging Parent and Caregiving Sibling

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[quote=Anonymous]Posting with some empathy for OP. I am in a very similar situation. It is very hard to call and ask how things are going, and to visit and hear all about the day to day. Observe nothing serious, ask all of the questions, everything is ok, all is great. And then be contacted in a panic because there is a situation that has gotten out of hand, come in and help within the bounds of the request and then rinse and repeat. I'm working really hard on accepting the situation and accepting that I can't control what I can't control and the way for me to be a loving daughter and sibling is to understand that nothing about this situation is set up with malice towards me. I am grateful for all of the help my sibling provides day to day. Beyond grateful. I don't have to worry about my parents in a certain level. And I have empathy for my sibling who was raised to be dependent on my parents. And still is for material needs of life. I am sure my ADHD sibling does not have the ability to see how hard this can be for me, and that is OK. THat's what I'm working on letting go of. And I am sure that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had at the time. I'm grateful to be the one who is able to support myself and my family, but in this dynamic it comes at the expense of being an outsider in my family of origin. My parents refer to sibling+spouse+children as "their family" all of the time. That stung at first, but I know it's just careless words and I can't get hung up on it. [/quote]

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