Reply to Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?

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Reply to "Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?"

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[quote=Anonymous]The quality of my marriage is pretty much a direct function of how much personal free time we’re both getting to pursue our hobbies, rest or whatever we want. To me that means we’re in pretty good shape at the core.

I think a lot of people have friction because they are working/parenting too much. Which I get it, you have to do that sometimes to have the life you want. But I don’t think we spend enough time as young people thinking honestly about our personal capacity and how we should set up our lives. Often it’s two people going at 80% as single career adults and then they add a family which is a 50% increase and now they’re just strained all the time.

I think in our high achieving dcum culture, not having enough energy/capacity often feels like failure. So people just grind it out even if they don’t “have” to, economically. Or because they can’t or won’t prioritize.

I often see “date night” suggested but I actually think that’s a terrible idea if you’re already irritated all the time and you should do “solo nights” until you feel ready for date night. Solo nights are also easier because you can switch off the childcare. [/quote]

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