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[quote=Anonymous]I'll be 19 weeks on Wednesday and I am so happy and grateful our first transfer worked and our trauma is different - severe MFI. But its still there. I also don't trust my body and I am constantly fearful that I'll do something to harm baby girl. This pregnancy hasn't been without hiccups - Gestational diabetes, inconclusive scans... which all add to th everyday anxiety.

I'm so afraid to "mess" it up. I envy friends who have gotten pregnant naturally and are #2 and just blissful. Few Dr appts and enjoying pregnancy. Not afraid of food or diet restrictions.

I'll never eat sushi, or a sandwich or a sip of champagne and I envy those with the nonchalant attitude of it doesn't matter. Because to me everything matters.

We've slowly been accumulating things for baby. Mainly because we want a lot second hand and when it comes up in good shape we feel like we might as well. But clothes from relatives all have tags on still.

We bought a stroller yesterday because they had a deal buy one, get a travel stroller for free. And I asked the sales rep what the return policy was if something happened to the baby. Really brought the mood down. But this is what's playing in my head 24/7.

I know it doesn't have to be this way. I'm personally not comfortable getting on anxiety meds right now but will have them at the ready for once baby is here.

Despite all that. I love talking to her. Nothing big but now that I have to eat 6x a day I home I need to feed the baby a snack or tell her I hope she enjoys tacos or whatever I'm eating.

I can't wait to feel her even though I know block counting will drive me insane.

We really are thrilled. I see my partner in a different light. Neither of us thought this day would come and I am starting to really see him as a dad and I know it's only the very beginning. But it's sweet to know he's going to be a fantastic dad and baby girl is really lucky. Same with my in laws.

Lots of anxiety. Lots of fear. But also so much love for this little peanut already. So much it's terrifying. [/quote]

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