Reply to Vent: Well-adjusted socially does not equal "villain"

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Vent: Well-adjusted socially does not equal "villain""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My DD (just turned 13) has a friend that can maybe be described as a "pick me". This seems to be a common phenomenon at the MS level. Just came across this:
https://www.parents.com/what-is-a-pick-me-and-why-it-can-be-damaging-for-kids-8621617

The friend, Larla, tells people that DD likes this boy or that boy, and people believe Larla because they're good friends. DD has told Larla this bothers her. Meanwhile, Larla also makes a big deal about a boy she herself likes, Sam. DD has not told Sam or anyone else. (Though Larla has been spreading it around.) But Larla continues to bother DD about boys. For example, just yesterday afternoon, there's a group chat from social studies class. A boy DD is friends with, Danny, texts, "Does anyone have the answer to #4?" Larla responds, "What? DD didn't give it to you??" Larla always makes it a thing. Several times a day. About any boy DD is friends with. DD has lots of friends that are boys and girls. She is not ready to "like" anyone. Some boys supposedly like DD, and they happen to be popular boys that a lot of girls "like". But DD just considers them friends. I think something about this bothers Larla. Larla has told people DD is "secretly dating" certain boys. Whom DD has been friends with for years. Nothing about those friendships have changed, but I guess now that they're 12/13 if they want to continue to be friends, Larla labels it dating? Larla does not have friendships with boys and never has.

Larla can otherwise act annoying and seek attention, and other kids will say something about it to DD. DD acknowledges to them that yeah, Larla does act like that sometimes, but doesn't add to it. Now, Larla keeps bringing up how things are "off" between them, though she still considers her her "best friend" (something DD doesn't say, but Larla does). Larla says she's "mad" at DD, I guess for "talking about her". I told my DD I was disappointed in her for contributing to people talking smack about her friend. She says, "Well I never said anything that was not true." [i](I responded, I don't care, if she's your friend, don't criticize her to other people.)[/i] Then DD said, "Yeah but Larla [b]lies [/b]about me all the time. So yeah, it's annoying." It's a fair point. Anything Larla says is "just joking." Another example, in Tech class, Larla was chatting away and people were kind of rolling their eyes but DD said nothing. Then Larla starts repeatedly patting DD's head and DD just has to kind of giggle and say "Stop" very gently because if she was firm about it, Larla would make a big deal about DD over-reacting while Larla was innocently "joking around". So Larla just keeps doing it while everyone rolls their eyes.

Anyway, what I find so irritating is that we have been through this with Larla in ES. She turned a teacher who previously loved DD against her because Larla seemed like a victim, because she is awkward, and claimed DD, because she is popular, is some sort of Regina George figure. I feel like it's happening again. It bothers me because DD is actually really nice. Meanwhile...we have been friends with the family for years and Larla can be kind of nasty. I think kids sometimes go through that, and I'm not judging her for it or saying she's terrible. She just has that side to her. Even Larla's mom has acknowledged that to me before, but due to other things Larla struggles with, kind of forgives it and acts like it's a non-issue at this point.

Larla has been talking about DD to mutual friends and saying DD is mean to her. They all do theatre, and Larla seems to be actively trying to get the kids who have their own insecurities onto "her side". I don't think DD is perfect, and she shouldn't be indulging gossip about Larla, but come on. Larla is annoying and "teases" DD all the time and DD has said she doesn't like it, but she puts up with it.

I don't think there's anything to be done here. They are old enough that they need to figure it out. It just seems like Larla uses DD's popularity as a tool against her and I'm frustrated by it. Sorry for the long rant. I tend to think, OK, you don't need to be best friends. Just be friendly. That would be fine with DD. That would not be fine with Larla. It's like DD must be her best friend, and DD must accept mistreatment. It's ES all over again! Ugh. Sorry. I'm sure I'll get flamed for claiming my DD is nice and popular, but if for whatever reason you believe me, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Anyone BTDT?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics