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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]'d love advice. I try to call my widowed father every night, and my young kids talk to him too. He looks forward to it every evening. However, sometimes life gets in the way and we just miss a call -- and when we do, he guilt trips me. Last night, my husband and I were in a fight, my son was having a meltdown about homework, and it was just a busy night. We couldn't call. So he texted: HEY! Then 10 minutes later: HEY!!!
I replied that we couldn't call because we were busy and please not to yell. He replied: "Not yelling, whining. Is everything ok?" It just made me more mad. I feel like I can't "miss" a night even for a good reason without explaining myself. I was already stressed about what was going on within my *own* family and my kids' whining. I have yet to respond. Any ideas? He has no cognitive or physical health issues. He just lives alone and is lonesome, which I understand.[/quote]

I mean this kindly. I don't think you DO understand. He's by himself. Alone. Likely in his golden years. Maybe retired? Friends/family dying around him. Life is sort of . . . . behind him. So, no, you don't understand that degree of lonely and I hope for your sake you will extend him more compassion than your post indicates. That doesn't mean call him every night. I get it. Life happens and your busy. But it's your father. Your family. He misses you. He's lonely.

I swear to god, I seem to be having these discussions with so many people lately. And it is so evident how difficult, and compassion-less, it is for people to grow old in this country. So little respect, understanding, or concern for them. [/quote]

I'm the OP. And with respect, I do understand. I also have young children and a demanding job and might not be able to call nightly and don't need to get yelled at in a text when I don't. I wish people didn't automatically assume the worst of others. I'm doing my best. Most working daughters are. Extend compassion and goodwill to US.[/quote]

Your post, with respect, does not indicate you understand. Not one thing you said was about understanding his loneliness but, instead, is fixate on your children and job and compassion for you. You have a lot going on and are busy. You have life around you. He does not. That doesn't mean you have to call every night, esp if it will be obvious to him that you don't want to (and it seems that way). But, you won't know that loneliness until your kids are grown, spouse gone, and you're in your home all alone.

I will also say, you should calm the eff down abou the "yelling" via text. He's old. He likely wasn't yelling and you're being sensitive. Let it go. [/quote]

I most certainly do. I understand that I have called him every single night since my mother passed away four years ago, regardless of whether my husband and I were out to dinner, whether I was taking my kid home from a baseball game, or whether we were having a quiet family movie night, all because I knew it was important to him. I also invite him to dinner all the time, to my kids' events all the time, and plan family vacations around him. I do have to call every night, or it feels like I do, when I get sad-face texts in all caps when I miss an evening. So please, with respect, don't sound off on things you have no grasp upon, and circumstances you know zero about.

I posted this query in other working daughters' forums and every single woman got it. It's clear you do not. Stick to areas where you can contribute.[/quote]

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