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[quote=Anonymous]Some suggested reading: Good Inside (also the Instagram account by the author, Dr. Becky, though right now it focuses more on teens so look at older content), The Explosive Child (Ross Green).

You don't really even have to read the entire books, but the gist of it is that you need to be looking for a "third way" of getting your kid to do things between (1) forcing them to do things they don't want to do, and (2) allowing them to do whatever they want. There's a bunch of tools for this. Some that have worked for us:

- Think about the scheduling of the stuff they always resist and fight. Is it happening when they are tired? Do they have to stop doing their favorite activity to do it? Can you change your schedule to ease that transition?

- Think about your approach. For me the key is always humor and lightheartedness. Put on music, sing songs, make it a joke. I had to train myself to do this, but in the end it's good for me and for DC, because it forces me not to engage with the conflict, to keep things from getting serious. It takes effort to cultivate this, but it's really rewarding because by being more silly and light, my kid has learned those skills too, and family life is easier.

- Figure out what you are willing to let go and let it go, i.e. pick your battles. Sometimes that means letting go of something altogether and just deciding you aren't going to care anymore (maybe something like not fighting your kid on wearing a coat as long as it's not freezing), other times it's willing to be accommodating for certain things because they aren't the most important battles. This is always a balance but sometimes it's necessary, especially with very obstinate kids who are just looking for something, anything to control -- just figure out what it is they can control and give it to them. For us this wound up being stuff like clothing choices, certain food battles, and giving over some control over the bedroom/playroom set up. That gave us space and energy to focus on the behaviors that were really important to us.[/quote]

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