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[quote=Anonymous]She probably has an ADHD/ASD profile, OP. My husband and son have that profile and also have hoarding/non-cleaning tendencies. They shower diligently, but can live in mess and filth without seeing it, and when asked to clean, don't even know where to begin and don't want to trash anything in case they could use it someday.

It's very hard to address, even with therapy and ADHD stimulants. Especially if she's contrary as a teen.

So for the moment, to get CPS off your back, you get rid of everything she doesn't truly need, and lock it away somewhere (you might need to send her away to her father's for the weekend while you do that). If you're on speaking terms with her father, who may live like this too but not want this for his daughter, he could perhaps tell her you're doing this for her own good.

She's going to go berserk! She might start a physical fight or run away. But this is the consequence for making you do the work. You show her a picture of her stuff, to prove you haven't trashed it, and tell her she can have her stuff back little by little if she can learn some cleaning routines.

Make a chart with a schedule. Every day she needs to do something about her nearly empty room (that she couldn't do with everything on the floor). She vacuums. She mops. She dusts. She arranges the clothes you kept and the school things she needs. This is easy when it's practically empty, but it teaches her what those tasks are. The hardest part is noticing clutter and sorting it. She might never be able to do that to normal standards.

I did this with my son in high school, and he was perfectly happy with no stuff at all beyond the basics. I taught him to clean, but he can't easily sort. He's now in college and he proudly vacuums his room, but it's still hard to get him to scrub his bathroom and dust his room, or pick things up off the floor. I realize that this is how many college guys are like, but in my son's case, with his autism and ADHD, he won't ever get better unless he's constantly reminded and explicitly taught how to clean and tidy. And even then, the sorting hits his ADHD/ASD weakness in a major way and he's probably never going to get it right.

My ADHD/ASD husband was never taught this as a child, and is a lost cause entirely. He hoards in our basement, and my only rule is that it doesn't encroach anywhere else, or else I throw it out. We've had MAJOR fights about this, and it's our compromise.

Best of luck.[/quote]

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