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[quote=Anonymous]OP - We have no family in the area and DH and I both have (had) careers in management.  My kids are now ages 12 and 14 with the oldest having Dyslexia/ADHD.

1. The early years are physically demanding.  You have to just let go of perfectionism.  You have to take the one day at a time approach. With 3 kids, you have to realize it would never be easy, even with a nanny!  You have to realize this isn't forever - I wouldn't say it gets "easier" but things change.  But your attitude of perfectionism will not make it better even when your kids get older.  They will end up disappointing you because when you have kids - it's all about uncertainty.  How they develop is totally unknown.  When my kids were young, I recall a mom with 3 kids coming by - a friend of DH - was totally in awe of our clean uncluttered house. She couldn't believe how nice it looked.  Now, it's a damn mess and we have to organize and clean in advance for our weekly cleaning lady - times have changed and I don't care!!

2. You have to organize to be efficient.  Set some boundaries with the kids for yourself.  Allot a certain number of hours for things like sleep, time alone, etc.  You seem to not have any routine.  Emergencies like illnesses come up for sure but with PreK and Elementary school and a nanny - at least during the week - you ought to have some structure.  With work - you have to realize that your career goals may have to be reconsidered for a time.  This is about that age old dilemma of "having it all" - I for one think leaning in Sheryl Sandberg style is 10000% BS.  You can have it all but not at once :)  If you are supporting your DH now, you gotta take a chill pill on your career.  You cannot work, balance family and stay sane at the same time.  It's going to be prioritization on a daily basis for the next 1-2 years for you.  Once both your kids are in elementary, it will be much easier.

3.  Every mom is in the same exact boat.  Unless they have deep family ties and don't work, know that we've all been through this time.  I had at one point 2 nannies - a weekend nanny who could offer sitting time if I needed and a nanny share going on for my 2 kids during the week.  You just get through it but you do have to set limits and accept that everything is going to be a mess for awhile!  :)

4. And this is the key - it does not get EASIER - it gets different when your kids get older.  My kids were much easier when they were under age 10.  It wasn't until after 10, we discovered the learning disabilities in the oldest and then comes medication/therapy/school conversations.  You think you got it tough now?  You have no idea what may or may not develop with your kids (hope they will all be easy but the point is you have no idea how their personalities will evolve) in 3-5 years.  Kids change all the time.  For me, I chose to take a backseat career wise and no longer manage.  I do freelance consulting, working from home.  I work projects and I still do OK.  I make a good number when I'm working but in between projects, we lose my income.  But it balances out.  Your kids may end up in sports - good luck on balancing 2 high powered careers if that happens!  Carpools are great but you still have to drive your turn.  Weekend games may have you driving hours like I do for my kid.  Being a parent is a full time job for sure.  I don't care what people say - even when they are older - it's still mentally hard.  So just pace yourself while your kids are young.  I personally don't know how people have more than 2 kids but as you have chosen to have 3 - just know that you may have to focus on them v. your career right now.  Most families I know have 1 top earner and if the 2nd parent works, they have great flexibility.  I don't know how you can do it otherwise no matter what age!

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