Reply to My parents are bull$hitters and I'm tired of playing along

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[quote=Anonymous]I come from a similar family except we were poor until I was in middle school. Do you already have kids or are you talking about potential kids in the future?

I think it’s important for you to realize your parents were abusive, and continue to be toxic. There’s virtually no way for you to have a healthy relationship with them, because they’re never going to admit how they really raised you and the harm they did, nor will they change. I think you’re either stuck in the abuse cycle with them because it’s all you know, or you’re continuing your relationship with them in hopes of them changing someday. Neither are healthy.

You’re exposing your kids to abusive people, or planning to if you don’t have kids yet. Think about that. Why would you want that for your kids? When I had kids at first it was nice to see my parents treat them the way I wish they had treated me as a child. There was seemingly unconditional love, attention, kindness, and so many gifts. Then when things didn’t go their way, my parents withdrew everything unless my son wanted to play by their rules (or I became a good parent by their standard and forced him to follow their rules).

I know now I should’ve protected my kids better and not trusted my parents. Thinking back, I realize I never really enjoyed spending time with my parents. I should’ve put more time into building a community for my kids than building bonds with family members I didn’t like or respect and who hurt me.

What are you getting out of the relationship? Anything good? How do you see this benefitting your kids? Do you really want your parents to be their role models? [/quote]

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